My first reaction to this question is, just because your male partner does something you don't like does not mean he meets criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. <--- you don't have to use that. I'm just tired of hearing that every woman who has been in an argument, her partner was "gaslighting" her, and every woman who has been hurt by a man, it was by a narcissist. That said, I have experience working with both the disorder and family members of the D/O. An important thing to remember is that the person who has an NPD diagnosis is struggling with the overwhelming fear of feeling or exhibiting weakness. If you understand how hard s/he is working to avoid feeling or seeming weak, it is possible to find compassion for and understanding of the person struggling with this disorder. As much as wives and girlfriends want to believe that these are just assholes who want to hurt people, a person with an NPD diagnosis is hurting immensely, and likely has painful trauma in their history, or they wouldn't behave so hurtfully.
My name is Nina Batista; I'm a licensed clinical social worker certified in treating survivors of narcissistic abuse, a journey that began from my personal experiences of being with a covert narcissist for 4 years and ultimately being discarded (yup he went on a business trip and literally never came back- deleted me of all social media, and just left me alone in our apartment with our dog and all of his belongings.) If you've been researching emotional abuse and you feel like all of the blog posts are about your relationship then theres 100% change you are being abused. Do not gaslight yourself, trust your intuition- there is a reason why you researched that to begin with. My biggest tip would be to stop making excuses for their behavior, "sorry" doesn't mean anything if their behaviors stay the same- that's not an apology, thats manipulation. The sooner you start to accept them for who they ACTUALLY are and stop holding onto their potential it will be easier for you to accept that they will never change, and you need to get out and prioritize your health. Remember- it is not your fault, you can NOT love them hard enough to change. Don't stay just because you are lonely- don't drink poison just because you're thirsty. Tell someone you trust and love about the relationship- burst the denial bubble and tell someone who can help remind you that you deserve better and that this person isn't going to change .