Leadership Coach and Author of "Leading at the Speed of People" at Dr Julie Donley, LLC
Answered 2 years ago
Speaking up and asking questions is an essential skill for gathering additional information, clarifying expectations, and exploring a topic from different perspectives. Those who are clear in their requests and who ask a lot of questions become more effective leaders. When we focus on our fear—fear of being ridiculed, fear of not having the answers—we tend to hold back from speaking up. Instead, focus on the reason for the question and being curious as opposed to worrying about what others will think. Ask questions to gain information or to wonder what the other person is thinking. People like to be asked, they like to feel important, and discussing a topic enables them to further develop their ideas as they speak aloud. Make a statement first: “That is interesting. Can you tell me more about what you had in mind?” If you ask a question about the topic, rather than focusing on yourself or your fear, you come across as interested and that will be appreciated.
What is stopping you from asking a question? Generally it is the fear of being judged, or being seen as "stupid". I used to let this hold me back in meetings all the time. My desire to impress by seeming like I knew it all ironically meant that things were often missed and I underperformed. Then I trained as a coach and learned to get curious. When your default mode is "curiosity", inquiry becomes so much more natural. Eventually, there's no such thing as a silly question, and the fear gives way to simply a great conversation! Moreover, people generally love being asked questions about themselves, their projects or their business. So lean in. It'll help you create better relationships and do more effective work. Don't let your fears block yours or your team's progress!
When we think of emotions, many people think they are things you can simply prevent from happening. Research has shown us over and over that emotions are chemical reactions in our nervous systems that. They involved neurotransmitters like dopamine and seratonin. Whether we realize it or not, they simply happen. It is our thoughts and behaviors around them that we can begin to work through because it is simply impossible to just leave emotions behind when they are a natural part of us. Fear is one such emotion. When we look at fear differently and begin to ask what message it is sending us we can identify why it is so hard for us to do things like simply ask questions at work. What's the data behind the fear? Have you been shut down the majority of the time when you tried to speak up in your life or been treated as though you thoughts don't matter? When we begin to build our self-confidence we can begin to tackle fears at work. When we also build our vocabulary and expand our ability to communicate effectively we can become more confident in the way we ask questions or whether or not the timing is right to do so. Staying silent at work is not helpful. Curiosity breeds innovation and growth. Imagine if the manufacturers of certain soda pops never asked the question "what would happen if we experimented with new flavors?" We'd live in a pretty bland world.
Rather than succumbing to the fear of asking questions, recognize that your curiosity is a powerful asset. Some of the most significant discoveries began with someone coming up with questions no one dared to raise. In your next meeting, throw out those questions and explain why you're asking to give context about your thought process. In one of our recent team discussions, an intriguing idea surfaced: what if we introduced a "story mode" for email campaigns? Users would receive a sequence of emails that collectively told a narrative or shared content like chapters in a story. The team member behind the idea argued that it could captivate users' attention over a series of emails rather than just one. We gave it a shot, and the engagement metrics were off the charts. Users eagerly awaited each email to see the next development in the story. This taught us that thinking beyond the conventional can sometimes lead to innovative approaches that resonate with our audience in unexpected ways.
When someone is afraid to ask questions at work, it points to a negative belief they have about themselves.One can give a million tips, but until those beliefs are worked with and shifted, the change won't be permanent and the fear will persist. Some of the core beliefs the person may have are: 'I'm not good/smart enough' or 'My question is not important / valuable', or 'I am not an expert and my answer won't be perfect', etc. When I work with clients who are afraid, I start by helping them shift their beliefs and inner story.
People often refrain from asking questions at work out of fear of looking incompetent or not paying attention. Another common reason some people avoid asking questions is the fear of being a bother to colleagues or their manager. I understand these fears, but I can assure you that asking questions is not just acceptable - your manager actually expects you to ask them. I'm speaking here from the perspective of a manager with over ten years of experience in companies with up to 4000 employees. I've also managed multi-million projects across various industries with teams of over 100 people. The success of those projects was closely tied to transparent, timely communication, which is only achievable if you ask questions. Once you realize this fact, the fear of asking questions will go away. You do need to master the way you ask them, though. Avoid emotionally charged questions, check if the question has already been answered (knowledge base, etc.), and use open-ended questions.
Get over it. You need to learn, your employer needs you to learn. Unless you're dealing with an abusive boss who demeans you for asking questions, accept what you don't know and start asking questions when you need to. And if the problem is you get demeaned for asking, consider finding a position somewhere that appreciates you better.
As a leader in the design field, mentor on ADP List, and founder, I understand the importance of questions at work. Ability to ask questions can lead to a more productive team work, which means faster task completion for the businesses and goal completion. During my career, I went from not asking questions in my early level to asking questions when I have a doubt in my current roles. This difference impacted my work significantly. Knowing exactly what I do and what business expect from my end solutions, improved my design speed, understanding of the product, and long-term goals of executives. Today, mentoring mentees worldwide and being a founder of UX Designers Club, I often hear from my mentees that they are sometimes afraid to ask questions from their management. They think that they would look like incompetent, so it's better to be silent and hope that everything will be OK. In the reality, such logic is wrong and can decrease not only productivity, but the final outcome for the whole team. Based on my experience, I always advise asking questions early on before the design process starts so that the business get exact outcome and within deadline. Ability to ask questions in the right time and manner are important for the business. This is why managers always ask their team members if there are open questions. Daily standups, and weekly round-ups are great ways to make sure that each team member doesn't have any misunderstandings and can continue the work.
Feel free to ask if your work environment is open to asking questions. Many people hesitate because they tried once and didn't receive a proper response. But the right environment will give you the openness to speak up. Your question may help someone who still doesn't believe they have a voice. You can serve as an example and help someone else feel comfortable asking questions in the future. I gain clarity from my experiences as a former HR professional, employee trainer, and coach by asking questions. It's how I learn and help others learn. Questions indicate that you want to know what to do in detail before you deliver your best work. Asking questions shows your courage, and no one becomes confident without having the courage to speak up. Asking questions helps you build strong connections with your team and manager. It shows that you respect their time and want to get all the information you need before you support them. It cultivates a learning mindset even if you are an experienced professional. Your courage to ask questions creates a supportive and collaborative work environment and opens doors for others to ask questions. Before you ask questions, do a little research. You should ask questions based on information you already have that needs clarification or something that may be missing. If you have material to read, look for answers in documentation, resources, or previous communications. This way, your questions become more focused, and you'll gain more confidence. If the person is overwhelmed, ask a question when they seem calmer. You can also ask for a convenient time to discuss your queries.
My fear of asking questions at work used to come from the fear of looking stupid. I didn’t want people to think that I didn’t know what I was doing or didn’t deserve the job that I had, and that meant, when there was something I didn’t know, I had to go the long way around to find out how to do that thing (or I made a mistake which ended up costing my reputation or delaying things further). The turning point for me was when the CEO of the company I was working for at the time asked me a question about how to do something. It made me realize that we’re all human and we can’t be expected to know absolutely anything. It encouraged me to ask more questions not only when I didn’t know something, but also when I wanted to improve my work and that’s how I started to grow within my field. As soon as you realize that asking questions will actually help you become a better professional, you’ll realize just how important it can be for your career growth. So, look at things realistically (not from an insecure perspective) and it may help you.
Being afraid of asking a question or rather asking a wrong question is an issue that I've noticed not just new joinees struggle with, but also seasoned employees. It might indicate a problem with the workplace culture where employees aren't made to feel comfortable enough to voice their opinions/questions. This is why at our startup WrittenlyHub, we go the extra mile to foster a culture of open dialogue and curiosity. We have established a work buddy system where each employee has a designated person they can reach out to for discussing any small to big problem they may face at work. But sometimes not being able to ask/speak openly at workplace might be more of a personal issue for an employee. Here's what I would advice them to overcome this fear. If you feel too overwhelmed by the thought of asking questions during formal meetings in front of a lot of people, go for smaller, less formal settings, like one-on-one private meetings with relevant people. It could be your manager, team member, or work buddy. If your question is directed towards an individual, you can approach them one-on-one for a discussion. Prepare and pen down your questions in advance before the meeting, so that you can articulate your thoughts and clarify your doubts clearly. Practice this to slowly cultivate a habit of asking the necessary questions. Always remember that doing so is helping you do your job better. Build your confidence so that you can eventually move on to larger meetings/forums.
When we are afraid to ask questions whether at work, among friends, at home, etc. this is potentially coming from a place where we do not feel safe in our bodies to do so. We are experiencing the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. Many of us as children realized that when we said something or asked a question that someone (typically a parent or caregiver) didn't like and they became angry, frustrated or upset, we might have had love and/or money withheld and possibly were reprimanded by physical and/or verbal actions in order to get us to conform. This taught our bodies that it isn't safe to question authority. So, in the beginning when we are wanting to work through this fear of asking questions at work, we must first teach ourselves that we are no longer in that pattern as a child anymore and that we are safe now. We do this by telling ourselves this very thing, showing compassion for the child that was probably very scared to ask questions when they were younger because they were met with extreme consequences. Then, we can begin to start asking questions at work even when we are scared. The practice is to teach the body that you can feel the emotion of being afraid and still take action and that you will be OK. I would recommend a couple of things for the reader to start with and see what feels good for them (in their bodies). 1) Getting curious as to what we are actually afraid of. The fear is telling us something. It might make sense to speak about this to a trusted co-worker and/or friend or possibly even journal about the fear. 2) Telling yourself that you are safe and OK now, you are an adult, and they are an adult, you are free to leave the conversation at any time that you don't feel comfortable. 3) Rehearsing what you would want to ask beforehand and also what feeling and energy would you like to feel during the conversation? (empowered, calm, curious) and practice being in that energy currently 4) Having someone that you confide in and trust be with you when you ask your question so that you can lean on them for emotional support if the conversation gets too much outside their comfort zone. 5) And like anything else in life, the way we get good is by practice. So, getting good at asking lots of questions. The only way through fear is through. The more we take action, the more we show our brains/bodies that we are OK and that we didn't die, the more evidence we give to our minds/bodies that we are safe, in this moment.
Addressing the fear, in my opinion, really helps dispel it altogether. I’d suggest prefacing your question with a statement that acknowledges your concern. This approach not only helps you express your hesitation but also sets the stage for a more collaborative and understanding exchange. You can start off like, "I want to ensure I fully understand this concept, and I have a question that might seem basic, but I believe it's crucial for clarity." This upfront acknowledgment demonstrates humility and a genuine desire to learn, instantly dispelling any potential perception of incompetence. Next time you have a question, take a moment to articulate your concern before asking. Practice framing your queries in a way that communicates your commitment to learning and growth. Over time, you'll likely find that this approach not only eases your fear of asking questions but also contributes positively to the overall dynamics of your work environment.
In my initial professional days, I was hindered by a cultural fear of appearing incompetent, leading to a reluctance to ask questions at work. This changed when a new, outgoing colleague joined us. His fearless approach to inquiring about everything, from simple tasks to complex issues, demonstrated how questions could foster understanding and build connections. Inspired, I adopted his strategy, realizing that asking for help not only broadened my knowledge but also opened avenues for forming meaningful relationships. This experience taught me the power of embracing curiosity and the value of collaborative learning in the workplace.
Simply putting yourself in the position of others can help you overcome any sort of fear or doubt. Thinking and grasping any situation from the perspective of the individual to whom you want to ask the question allows you to quickly understand their thoughts or their likely reaction. Having this prior understanding allows you to plan ahead for any challenges or arguments that may arise throughout the conversation. This will not only help you get your facts straight, but it will also allow you to hear the other side of the matter with more clarity.
One effective way to overcome the fear of asking questions at work is to keep your questions concise and focused. Instead of worrying about sounding long-winded or unclear, aim to ask straightforward and to-the-point questions. This approach not only makes it easier for your colleagues to provide answers but also demonstrates that you value their time and expertise. By keeping your questions concise, you can boost your confidence in asking them and reduce the fear of being perceived as unsure or hesitant. Remember, in many professional settings, clarity and efficiency are highly regarded, so your colleagues are likely to appreciate your efforts to make your questions as clear and concise as possible.
Fear of asking questions at work is a common issue, and many people struggle to overcome it. But you can build up the confidence and self-assurance to make sure that your voice is heard. One technique that I've found helpful in tackling this fear is practice saying the question out loud. This allows you to become familiar with how it sounds and allows you to assess if there are any changes or improvements that need to be made before uttering it out loud in front of other people. Another suggestion I have is to be more specific when phrasing your questions. Instead of asking broad questions such as "What do you think?", try narrowing the focus by asking direct yet open-ended questions like "How could this approach benefit our project?". By doing so, you'll increase your chances of getting a specific answer instead of an unclear general response that doesn't help progress or enlighten anything further. Also, recognize that it's okay to not ask your question in front of a group; don't feel pressured into having all eyes on you if you think it would add too much pressure on top of an already uncomfortable situation for yourself. It's perfectly fine (and even encouraged) for anyone who may lack confidence in speaking publicly to approach colleagues privately - which could range from talking face-to-face over coffee or sending them emails regarding something they may need help with or information they could provide - depending on what works best for both parties involved and their schedules.
Stop Hesitating, Start Asking: Reframe: View questions as a sign of curiosity, not weakness. Clarity Over Impression: Prioritize understanding over the fear of looking uninformed. Embrace Beginner's Mind: Ask without judgment to unlock learning. Harness "What If": Explore possibilities without fear of immediate criticism. Celebrate "Not Knowing": See it as a chance to learn and grow.
One fear is that by asking questions you'll 'sound stupid' or create problems. A tip to avoid feeling foolish is to exhaust all other avenues of solution before you ask. Often questions can seem to create problems, but remember that by asking a question that identifies an issue, you are initiating a solution. Keep track of all the times your questions have resulted in improving logisitics or the overall organization. Without inquiring about issues, companies would never improve.
I'm convinced that the fundamental solution to this issue lies in fostering a culture of openness within a team. As someone who leads 120 professional teams, I came to this realization when I was in the process of recruiting our core team members. After three years, we made the decision to redefine our values. However, our values have always played and continue to play a pivotal role in our hiring process, guiding us in selecting the most suitable candidates for the job. During interviews, we assess whether individuals are comfortable with transparency and whether they are willing to discuss both their successes and their failures openly. Our primary core value is trust. Every team member should feel secure in the knowledge that they are in an environment where they can freely express their thoughts, provide feedback, and ask questions regarding various aspects of the company's operations and business objectives. Therefore, my main piece of advice for business leaders is to establish a robust corporate culture that resonates with their team members and to implement transparent communication processes.