A typical gaslighting type of situation is when an employee denies a true situation and retells the story to make someone else look bad. One case I remember was when a co-worker sat behind me and could see my computer. She commented on something I was working on. I said I appreciated her comment but was handling it my way. She then went and told the boss that I disrespected her, got irate, and called her an ugly name. I was called into the office and questioned. I told my side of the story but my boss couldn't determine the truth to satisfy them. I began jotting things down about interactions with this co-worker so I had evidence with times and dates the next time this happened. She was put on notice about her behavior and it stopped.
I was hired as the worldwide director of marketing for a division of a major company. I was rigorous about the interviewing process and made sure that I asked a lot of tough questions to uncover red flags. But nothing prepared me for the gaslighting that started about one week into the job. The CEO was clear about the direction and tasks he wanted done. And I proceeded to create marketing plans and strategies as requested. Before every meeting, he would tell me what he wanted covered and tracked. I would work 80 hours a week to pull information together, present it to him, have it approved for presentation and then get dressed down, yelled at, and humiliated in the meeting. It was like asking someone how they were doing and they would respond with "bagels and cream cheese". I was suffering from anxiety to the point that I accidentally went to my neighbor's house thinking it was my own.
Gaslighting is not unusual in the workplace. There can be political games played to gain promotions or recognition. One incident of this type includes a situation where a project was signed off and someone else lost the paperwork. That employee told me it must be my imagination that it was signed off on. They tried hard to convince me that I made a mistake. A search was done until the paperwork was found, at my direction. The situation was resolved when it was found but no one was disciplined as most determined it was an honest mistake.
I worked in a corporate role previously where I felt like I was abused. I couldn't do anything right, even though I was trying my best. It didn't work out and I left the job. My manager and I had multiple meetings and we even met with HR. But we were just too different and had different expectations of what we wanted for the role. I didn't know what else to do.
I was gaslighted at work, and the signs I faced are as listed below. 1. I overworked myself to "prove myself" because I felt incompetent. 2. I had no idea what was expected of me. 3. I declined opportunities to avoid put-downs. When a person—typically a coworker or manager—invalidates what you know to be true, you are forced to question the facts and, ultimately, yourself and your ability to do your job. Here's what I did: 1. I documented everything I could. 2. I people who were willing to listen and provide perspective. 3. I spoke with our human resources representative... All these turned out futile because the gaslighter was my boss. I just had quit.
Many years ago I worked for a catering company as a salaried manager, specifically catering for the NHL. We were required to work our regular Monday-Friday, 9am -5pm PLUS event days, which were around 3-4 events/week including weekends. On average I worked around 70 hours per week and game day hours were from 9am-11pm. Every time I would leave for the evening, someone would make a comment that it "must be nice that I was leaving so early" or that I was working "bankers hours". The corporate culture there was to work as many hours as possible as a badge of honor. I started wondering if I was leaving too early or if I should just stay later even though my tasks were done and I was exhausted. I ultimately left the job. I actually had a 2 year contract that I broke early. I still have a chip on my shoulder from the experience, thinking others are judging me for not working long or hard enough. I now work with my husband and as entrepreneurs we have the freedom to make our own schedule.