When it comes to handling the stress of tryouts or benchings in youth hockey, I've noticed a strong correlation between the approach parents choose and their child's motivation. Constantly focusing on performance or outcomes, like making the AAA team, can seriously ratchet up the pressure. It's better to emphasize effort, learning, and enjoyment of the game. After games or on the drive home, try asking open-ended questions like, "What did you enjoy the most today?" instead of dissecting every play. This shifts the focus from performance to personal growth and can really change their mindset for the better. From my experience, positive feedback goes a long way in keeping kids motivated. Celebrate small victories and skills development, not just the score at the end of the game. When kids know they're supported regardless of the outcome, their love for the game grows, and they're more likely to stick with it over time. Remember, the car ride home might seem trivial, but it can really define a child's sports experience. Keep it positive and let them lead the conversation about the game.
Hi there, I'm Lachlan Brown, a behavioral psychologist and mental health advisor. I've spent the past decade helping families and young people build healthy motivation. I'd love to share my insights for your upcoming piece in RG. Considering my approach towards wellness and my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism which is all about mindful motivation, I'm focusing on Motivation & mindset angle: Kids don't need perfect speeches after games. They need psychological oxygen: autonomy, competence, and connection. In my experience, the most important shift parents can make is moving from pressure to partnership. Kids are remarkably good at reading our tone. When a parent's energy after a game is all about "what went wrong," it erodes autonomy and enjoyment. Instead, I encourage what I call the car-ride reset: begin with a phrase like, "I loved watching you play," and then pause. Let them choose if they want feedback now, later, or not at all. That simple choice makes their motivation intrinsic rather than imposed. A player isn't "failing," they're simply being asked to grow in a certain skill. When parents normalize roles changing across a season and link it to specific, actionable goals, pressure dissolves into clarity. This approach mirrors Hockey Canada's player-centred Long-Term Player Development model, which emphasizes age-appropriate learning and enjoyment as the real foundation of elite performance. When I've worked with youth families using these principles, I've seen players become more resilient, less anxious before games, and most importantly, rediscover joy in the sport. That joy is what fuels sustainable development, long after the stats are forgotten. (Source: https://www.hockeycanada.ca/en-ca/hockey-programs/coaching/ltpd) —Lachlan Brown Co-founder, The Considered Man Author, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego (https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Secrets-Buddhism-Maximum-Minimum-ebook/dp/B0BD15Q9WF) Bio: Lachlan Brown is a behavioral-psychology writer who has spent a decade helping families navigate motivation, pressure, and resilience in sport. He advises youth using mindfulness principles. His work emphasizes autonomy-supportive coaching and practical, on-ice language that actually sticks. Professional link: https://hackspirit.com/about-us/
To nurture motivation in youth hockey players, parents should support their child's intrinsic love for the game through positive reinforcement and discussions about personal goals. Focusing on effort rather than outcomes prevents pressure-induced anxiety and enhances enjoyment. Encouraging skill development and recognizing personal growth are crucial. Meanwhile, signs of burnout, like loss of interest and frequent complaints, should be addressed early to maintain enjoyment in the sport.