Going through a separation can be an incredibly emotional experience. I went through a divorce in 2020. One of the hardest parts of a separation, especially for parents, is that you are trying to manage your own emotions while being a parent, and in addition dealing with co-parenting, which can be an entirely different layer of emotions because there is likely still tension or conflict with your former partner while you are both trying to navigate the best for your kids. When I was in that situation, I had to really learn to allow space for my kids to process their sadness, grief, and anger, and then, as soon as I could, prioritize self-care for myself because the pressure to hold such intense emotions for yourself and your child is just too much sometimes. My biggest hope for parents experiencing this now is that they remember that it's ok to feel all of the emotions that come up (sadness, frustration, guilt, etc.) and that none of those emotions mean I am a bad parent. I would want more tools or space that allow me to regulate my own emotions in the moment, so that I can model calm and safety for my children. I would hope to get direction on how to keep the kids at the center, even when the adult dynamics feel messy. It's so important for parents going through this to be explicit about the separation not being the children's fault, and that they are loved no matter what. This will prevent them from forming a negative core belief system about themself or creating a false narrative in their mind about why the divorce is happening. More than anything, I would also want them to know that "this too shall pass." This is a very intense moment in your life, as well as your child's life. It's actually a trauma event for a child to experience divorce. But, on the other side, there is healing and healthy co-parenting is possible. Knowing that they don't have to do it perfectly, and that connection with your kids is more important than making everything "right." There is so much power, love, and healing that comes with connection and love between the parent and child bond.
My primary wish for support as a parent facing separation or divorce would be to gain communication and conflict resolution skills when it came to co-parenting. These questions I plan to find answers will be emotional support and coping strategies to deal with the difficulties and feelings involved in this transition. What I do want is for my kids to priority and for us to have a healthy co-parenting relationship for them. I would be incredibly grateful for any advice I can do to help with that. Together with the appropriate tools and assistance I believe we can do this while co-parenting in a healthy & honorable means apart as a pair.