Couples and marriage counselors, can you provide an example of a successful outcome when using a specific therapeutic model with a couple?

When working with couples, I typically utilize Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy due to the evidence-based research that backs the model and the tools used within the model. When utilizing this therapeutic method, there are several different avenues that are explored with the couple with the goal being a better functioning relationship, which includes but is not limited to, building trust and love as well as increasing communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, respect, and developing an increased level of understanding of their partner, their needs, and their perspectives. This looks different for each client, based on what their presenting concerns are. For example, if a couple comes in with complaints pertaining to a loss of connection between them, there is a good chance they are not communicating with each other effectively, intimacy is probably lacking (emotional, physical or both), and they have probably stopped truly listening and understanding each other’s perspective and desires. When a couple successfully learns how to communicate their needs and listen and attune to their partner’s needs and desires, they typically see an increase in marital satisfaction including respect, love, intimacy, fondness, and admiration. In my experience, couples with positive outcomes using this model typically continue to see results in their relationship for as long as they continue utilizing the tools and behaviors learned.

When working with couples, I like to combine Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Satir Model. All three flow nicely together because the former two derived from the latter. The reason I use all three together is to explore the depths of each individual through IFS, account for each family of origin history through the Satir Model, and provide real time emotional change with each other through EFT. The most successful outcome in couples therapy utilizing these three models have included moments where individuals have been able to release individual burdens from within while their partners are witnessing. Typically these burden have been held on to since childhood, as a means of coping in the family in which they they grew up. When witnessing partners release their pain, spouses are moved with empathy. Then all of a sudden they can hold safe space for each other rather than feel offended by the behavior that was offensive to them just moments ago. And new ways of relating can form. New neural pathways form. Healing begins.

In my twenty years of experience working with couples, the Emotionally Focused Therapy model has been highly effective with couples experiencing distress. This distress may manifest in the relationship in many ways: angry outbursts, highly reactive interactions, emotional withdrawal, as well as anxious attachment to their partner. Tom and Anna sought marriage counseling as a “last ditch effort.” After 16 years of marriage, with one son in middle school and the other son in high school and moving from one to state to another for Tom’s professional aspirations, they felt emotionally detached from one another and had become frustrated with their relationship. Anna reported feeling emotionally withdrawn from her husband and Tom reported that he became easily angered when communicating with Anna and their conversations became explosive. Tom suggested therapy and that is how they found themselves in my office. My first steps were to identify the couple’s goal for therapy (do they want to work toward staying together?) and then to introduce the therapeutic model that offers the best chance for their success. The aim of EFT is to increase healthy emotional responsiveness between partners by helping them to create emotional safety in their relationship. Tom and Anna were able to improve their communication, they learned to interrupt patterns of thoughts and behaviors that negatively impacted their marriage, and they chose to stay together as active participants in their marriage.