Is it normal to be living with an ex? Normal? No. Common? More than you'd think. Breakups can be messy, and life doesn't always let us neatly untangle from someone we once shared a home, rent, or a Costco membership with. The real question isn't is it normal, it's is it healthy for you? Are you truly "exes," or are you just playing musical chairs with the breakup? What advice would you give someone dating someone who lives with their ex? Ask questions-but ask them kindly. Why are they still living together? How does this arrangement work? Where do the boundaries lie? You're not looking for a romanticized explanation of a "great friendship," you're looking for signs of unfinished emotional business. If they get defensive or avoidant, it's worth paying attention. But also, be honest with yourself: Do I feel secure? If the answer is no, don't gaslight yourself into staying. How should someone deal with a live-in ex? Boundaries. They're going to be your oxygen mask here. That means emotional boundaries (you don't need to know what they're cooking for dinner or how their job interview went) and physical boundaries (no more shared blankets on movie nights). If you're still untangling finances or logistics, fine-but start disentangling. And be clear: you're exes because you chose to separate, so honor that choice in the way you live. Does the "no contact rule" work? Oh, it works-if you let it. No contact isn't a punishment or a power play; it's an act of clarity. It's the space you need to find yourself again without the constant noise of what was. Will it feel awful at first? Absolutely. But the discomfort of "no contact" often reveals what the contact was still giving you-comfort, familiarity, a distraction. That's where the real work begins: meeting those needs in healthier ways. Why do people get back with their exes? Familiarity feels safe, even when it isn't. A breakup is grief, and sometimes getting back together feels like hitting "pause" on the pain. There's also hope-"maybe we'll do it better this time". And for some, the attachment runs deep. It's less about love and more about longing: longing for who they were with that person, longing for closure that never came, or longing for the version of the relationship they wish had existed. Sometimes it works; often it doesn't. The trick is knowing whether you're drawn to the ex themselves...or just the comfort of the story you shared.

As a therapist who helps people create healthy relationships, I have worked with clients who have chosen to remain roommates with their ex. There are many circumstances that can lead to this decision. For example, if children are involved, both parents may decide to cohabitate to shield their kids from the upheaval of living in two different homes. In other cases, financial limitations may make sharing a home the most practical option, allowing both people to maintain their quality of living. That said, sharing a home with an ex will not work for everyone-especially if one person is ready to move on while the other is holding on to hope for reconciliation. It's crucial for both individuals to be on the same page regarding their relationship dynamics. Clear boundaries must be established around physical contact, communication, finances, and dating others. Swinging the pendulum from physical and emotional intimacy to a platonic relationship is not an easy shift. It requires rigorous honesty-with yourself and with your ex-about whether this transition is truly working. If it's not, speak up. Your emotional and mental well-being are too important to compromise.

There are so many levels people include (or don't) their ex's in their lives. One of the biggest considerations is if they had children together. The other level is if their children are still minors. Sometimes ex's live in the same house for financial reasons. Sometimes they live in the same house to make it easier for the children to still have both parents with them. (I also knew a couple who's children stayed in the house and the parents took turns moving in and out each week (from their separate homes) so the children didn't have to relocate.) What I suggest in these situations is both parents be polite and considerate to each other for the sake of the children. So if you're dating someone in this situation it's helpful to learn more about what their reasons are and what boundaries they have in place. Often these parents will also go on vacation together to continue to give the children consistency. I appreciate this can prohibit as much time together as the 'dating' person would like with them. If they don't have children or their children are adults then the ex's usually see each other at special occasions (graduations, weddings, baby's birth, etc.). People often get back with their ex's for two reasons. One of both of them hasn't healed the reason they split up. Or both of them have healed what drove them apart and they're now good partners for each other.

Living with an ex can be tricky and emotionally complicated, especially if you're trying to start a new relationship. While it's not uncommon, people might stay together for financial reasons or convenience. It's important to ask: are there still unresolved feelings? If you're dating someone in this situation, it's crucial to have an honest conversation about boundaries and their emotional readiness to move forward. You'll want to see actions, not just words, that show they've truly moved on. Some red flags that someone might not be over their ex include constantly bringing them up, being overly protective or defensive about their living situation, or hesitating to make long-term plans with you. If they seem emotionally stuck, it's worth addressing sooner rather than later. The "no contact rule" really can work! It's about creating the emotional space needed to heal and let go. When people stay close to an ex, whether living together or just living nearby, it's harder to move forward. That's why it's so important to build new routines, focus on personal growth, and surround yourself with people who uplift you. At the end of the day, relationships thrive on clarity and trust, so don't settle for anything less.