Hi there! I'm a psychotherapist and work with folks around self compassion and values-oriented behavior. Good news -- if you slip up during a period of time that was meant to be entirely sober, it does NOT erase your hard work and progress toward your goals. We tend to be incredibly tough on ourselves during vulnerable times. The truth is, shaming ourselves into change rarely sticks. In fact, while a bit of shame is an important part of learning, marinating in toxic shame makes it very difficult to implement change. What matters here is this: when we set out to move away from habits such as drinking, we're doing it because we care about something important (that might be our health, our relationships, our jobs, or many other areas of your life impacted by this habit). We care enough about that thing (or things) to make a change that brings up discomfort. If we are willing to sit in the discomfort of not drinking, whether it was for 1 day or 1 week, we behaved in a way that was in alignment with our values, and that's the important part. Here are some tips for when we slip up on dry January: 1. Practice some self-directed compassion (Kristen Neff's strategy) - This can be done by acknowledging this moment of difficulty, honoring that all human's share the experience of suffering, and choosing to offer yourself care (this might be a hand on your heart, a hug from a loved one, a walk outside, whatever makes you feel good) 2. Remind yourself of the "why" -- why did you decide to take a break from alcohol? It's because you care -- be it about yourself or others, and you did something noble and brave by taking this on. You get to keep trying. You don't have to wait in order to try this again. You can try again tomorrow, or the next day. If you're willing to be uncomfortable in order to do what matters to you, you can decide to try again at any point. Contact info/location: 310-745-0234, mollymindeltherapy@gmail.com// location: Hawai'i
If you slip up during Dry January, it's important to own it and call it what it is - a slip. Don't beat yourself up about it, and conversely, don't minimize the slip. Take responsibility, give yourself some grace, and then get right back to Dry January the next day. Reflect on what was behind the slip. Was it a friend's birthday you forgot about? An extra bad day at work? Understanding what caused the slip can help you plan ahead for other similar pop-up scenarios. So many non-alcoholic drinks are available now that almost any drink of choice has a mocktail or NA version of it. However, if the slips continue to occur, that may be a sign that you're struggling to keep your word to yourself and/or at risk for abusing alcohol. If you're concerned about your relationship with alcohol, a psychologist, counselor or therapist who specializes in trauma and/or substance abuse can help you examine your patterns and behaviors around drinking. They can also help you create a different relationship with alcohol, creating new habits and routines.
One of the biggest myths around Dry January is that success depends on never slipping up. In reality, I find most people struggle and slip up because they don't plan. They go in with one rule — "don't drink" — but no strategy for stress, social pressure, or the rituals alcohol usually fills. When a slip-up happens, the #1 thing to remember is that it's just one day. It doesn't erase the progress you've already made unless you decide it does. I see so many people fall into the trap of thinking, "I messed up, so what's the point now?" That all-or-nothing mindset is often what leads to giving up entirely. For many adults, especially those who've been drinking for decades, strict perfection just isn't realistic — or helpful. When alcohol is framed as a reward, it is only natural that abstaining becomes a punishment, and desire builds. Thats exactly why I encourage a harm-reduction approach that focuses on learning and curiosity rather than rules. Planning ahead makes a huge difference. The people who do best with resets are the ones who replace the ritual instead of simply removing it, think through how they'll handle triggers, and find ways to calm their nervous system without relying on a drink. Being prepared creates resilience for the moments when life gets stressful. Tracking progress from the beginning is also imperative. Being able to see how many days you've already shown up for yourself makes it easier to keep going rather than saying, "I give up." Lastly, get curious. This is data that can be used. When we approach the situation with true curiosity we lose the judgment enabling us to learn something so we can do better next time. Otherwise, shame will creep in and when we're stuck in shame we lack the ability to move forward in a productive or helpful way. Being curious also encourages compassion which will always help us move forward more quickly. If this is hard, remember to BYOB. Be Your Own Bestie. We're so much kinder to others than we are to our self so channeling our best friend can be just what we need to get back on the right path. Ultimately, slipping up isn't the problem. How you respond to it is. Progress comes from staying engaged, taking things one day at a time, and meeting yourself with compassion and grace instead of criticism and shame when things don't go perfectly. Thank you again so much for covering this! Erica Mallery Founder - ShameOver Mindful Drinking Coach 303.324.4075 Hello@shameover.me
I would remind the client that everything takes practice. When a baby struggles to it's feet to take that first tentative step and, as always happens, it falls down do we discourage it from ever walking? No! We praise the effort and urge it to try again. The vast majority of my clients who are trying to give up alcohol - either temporarily or permanently - have children and can easily apply that principle to themselves. If you'd like to see a video review from a client who gave up drinking (after years of failing to do so) please go to www.outofchaostherapy.com and look at the testimonial from Mark.
I am not a therapist or a counselor, but I do have over 15 years of experience in alcohol recovery. Alcoholics often have black and white thinking - if you have one sip, might as well finish the bottle. The most important thing alcoholics and addicts need to learn is that a slip is not an all be all - it's a mistake you learn and grow from. Reflecting on why it happened, how it happened, how it made you feel during and after - this is how you stop slipping up. Going to a therapist or attending AA meetings and being able to talk about the experience is the most important part. jamie maltabes 6098651922 jamie@imedgrp.com