Whether it's professional or romantic, my standby for a good relationship is responsiveness: the quicker, the better (within reasonable limits). That wasn't always the case. I used to give people more leeway with delayed or non-replies, following up several times. Now I usually take foot-dragging or silence as a "no-go." In business and in dating, rejection is a reality. Regardless of the reasons, I'd rather have an answer than be left guessing, which can waste time and be draining. I like it when people show they care through clear and honest communication. Giving definite answers fosters trust and reduces anxiety. It's a sign of emotional maturity and stability; you're bold enough to "show your hand" without resorting to sleight of hand, and in the process, respect yourself and the other person.
When I first started dating after my divorce, I gave people a lot of benefit of the doubt. I assumed others, like me, were generally considerate, truthful, honest, and caring. But as a busy entrepreneur—and a stress management coach who teaches the CALM Process and encourages clients to eliminate behaviors that create unnecessary stress—I realized I couldn't keep wasting time on emotionally unavailable people. I no longer had the capacity for someone with no empathy, no curiosity about the human condition, someone who just sits pretty, brags about their achievements, and lacks basic emotional awareness. I remember sharing this frustration with a friend who had also started dating. I asked her what she thought about men with emotional intelligence. She laughed and said, "They're all like that, honey—you need to lower your standards." But I'm not lowering my standards. I'm shortening the amount of time I give people to show me who they are. Now, I do most of my filtering on the first date with a very simple moment. You know how everyone asks, "How are you?" Sometimes I answer honestly and say, "I'm sad." Then I watch how they respond. Someone with empathy will ask why. Someone emotionally mature will be able to hold that moment with care. But those who don't ask, immediately tell me I'm wrong, dismiss my feelings, or say things like, "I said on my profile I don't want drama"—well, they definitely don't make it past the appetizers.
As dating becomes increasingly dominated by emotionally unavailable partners, I've changed my perspective on the expectation of emotional availability in my daily interactions. My initial filter used to be ambition, chemistry, and common interests, but now these things don't mean anything to me unless the person has the emotional capacity to be reliable, self-aware, and will communicate clearly. I observe how people demonstrate accountability, follow through, and manage discomfort because emotional availability cannot be stated, it must be proven through behaviour over a long period of time. The change is significant for me as I am an entrepreneurial woman and my daily life typically requires high levels of personal responsibility, self-regulation and self-intentionality. I no longer have time in my life to engage in relationships that introduce additional confusion or layers of emotional work that come from a partner that wants to "take it slow". I expect both partners in a relationship to be present and have defined expectations based on who they are at the start of a relationship and continuing until the end of a relationship. Healthy relationships provide people with a sense of stability and opportunities for mutual growth. They do not cause further chaos and/or complication that requires constant definition or explanation for both parties involved.
Stability has now come to be the uncompromising benchmark. Words, chemistry, and potential no longer have an effect without staying steady over time with behavior. Development of dating where people are not available emotionally, clarified the point that interest without action does not lead to connection. The ambiguity is energy-consuming just like vague work roles. There was no use resisting that parallel. The expectations were changed to visible acts. It is communication on a regular basis, responsiveness and readiness to name intentions that is more important than intensity and charm. The success of this change lies in its ability to safeguard the emotional bandwidth. Clarity and accountability is already required in leadership and service. Relationships which do not have those qualities develop friction rather than support. Trust and follow-through are the key elements of work at Mano Santa. Individual norms reflect such reality. Behavior, which is emotionally available, is not dramatic. It gives room to develop without speculation and pursuit. It was this increasing of the standard which kept the amount of emotional noise to a minimum and created space in which relationships that give stability rather than distraction could flourish. Growth in confidence occurs where anticipations are met with lived values as opposed to hope.
The rise of "emotionally unavailable dating" has led many women entrepreneurs to prioritize emotional availability and mutual growth in their relationships. As they balance personal and professional lives, women are increasingly seeking partners who provide emotional support, respect, and shared values. This shift highlights the importance of relationships that complement their ambitions and offer a safe emotional space, as exemplified by a woman entrepreneur who successfully launched a wellness brand.