As an executive coach, I've found that one of the most effective ways to help a leader grow in giving and receiving feedback is simple: practice. There are two powerful ways to do this: 1. Role Play Ask the leader to bring in a real feedback scenario they want to address with a team member. Then, you role-play as that team member while they deliver the feedback. Afterward, debrief together—what worked, what felt off, and what could be improved. You can also reverse roles. Play the team member giving feedback to the leader, and help the leader practice receiving it openly and non-defensively. Both directions build critical skills. 2. Real Feedback Between You If you've been working together for a few sessions, there's likely enough trust to engage in real, mutual feedback. Invite them to give you honest feedback about your coaching. In turn, offer them feedback on how they're showing up in the coaching relationship. Nothing beats real material for growth—especially when it's happening live.
I once worked with a senior manager struggling to give constructive feedback without causing defensiveness. I encouraged them to start every conversation by acknowledging what was going well before addressing areas to improve. We practiced framing feedback as specific observations rather than judgments, like "I noticed the report missed key data points," instead of "Your report is sloppy." To help them receive feedback better, I suggested they pause, ask clarifying questions, and avoid immediate defensiveness, treating feedback as a chance to learn rather than a personal attack. Over a few months, this leader became more open and clear in conversations, which improved team trust and performance. The key was consistent practice and shifting mindset from critique to collaboration.
I had a leader who couldn't give feedback without inducing defensiveness. It wasn't the content that was the problem; it was the way it was presented. I suggested emphasizing specific, clear behavior over general judgment. This changed the way conversations moved toward fact and away from personal attacks, which allowed feedback to be more easily accepted. To enhance the leader's receptivity to receiving feedback, I promoted active listening. This included waiting before replying, asking questions for clarification, and validating input, even when uncomfortable. I also added a practice where the recipient echoes back feedback to ensure they understood. Frequent scheduled feedback sessions made these discussions a routine part of business, alleviating tension as time went on. These skills resulted in tangible improvements. The leader's team became more honest with candid feedback, and teamwork was enhanced. The leader became more confident in providing feedback without evoking resistance. Mastering this skill demands effort but produces stronger teams and better outcomes.
I have one-on-one meetings with the leaders and managers in my team, just like they have with the smaller teams they manage. One of my team leaders, in a meeting we had, expressed to me that they didn't know if they were giving feedback well in the one-on-ones they were having, so they asked for my advice. They explained what they were doing and how they were phrasing things, and I gave some advice on how to do things a bit differently for a better end result.
Yes—this takes me back to a founder we worked with during a Series A prep phase. Brilliant on the product side, but his leadership style was... let's say, "feedback-light." He had built a tight-knit team but avoided tough conversations, and as a result, the company's growth was being dragged by misalignment and unspoken frustrations. I remember sitting with him over coffee after a long strategy session, and I said, "You don't need to be the nice guy all the time—just be the clear guy." That stuck. We started with a simple technique: situation-behavior-impact (SBI). It helped him anchor his feedback in facts rather than emotion. I also encouraged a weekly habit of asking his team, "What's one thing I could have done better this week?" At first, he hated it. Said it felt forced. But after a few weeks, it created a rhythm of openness, and his team started mirroring that transparency. One of our team members ran a quick role-play workshop with him and his leadership team. It was uncomfortable—awkward even—but it broke the ice. Within a month, you could feel the shift: more honest conversations, tighter alignment, and faster decisions. Feedback isn't a skill you switch on overnight, but once leaders see that it's less about conflict and more about clarity, they grow into it. At spectup, we don't just help raise capital—we help raise the bar on leadership too.
I worked with a team lead who struggled to give feedback without sounding critical and shut down when receiving it himself. We started by framing feedback around outcomes, not personality—focusing on behaviors and results, not the person. I had him use a "start, stop, continue" format to simplify his delivery and keep it constructive. To help him receive feedback more effectively, I encouraged him to listen attentively, pause before responding, and ask one clarifying question before reacting. After a few weeks, his team reported better communication and less tension. The shift made him more approachable, and the whole group became more open to improvement.
I once worked with the manager of a large landscaping team who was struggling to communicate constructive feedback to his crew without causing tension. The crew were skilled but morale was dropping, and the quality of work was starting to slip. I was brought in to consult not just on the gardens but the team dynamic, and with over 15 years of hands-on experience running crews and working in the field myself, I immediately saw the problem. The manager had the right intentions but lacked a structured approach to feedback. I introduced him to the SBI method: Situation, Behavior, and Impact. It's simple but effective. Instead of vague criticism, he learned to frame his feedback around specific instances, the behavior that occurred, and the impact it had on the job. I also coached him to actively ask for feedback from his team after each project, to show he was open to growth himself. This two way communication built trust quickly. With my background as a certified horticulturist and a small business owner who's led hundreds of projects, I've had to learn the importance of communication firsthand. I brought in real-world examples from my own crews to show how clear, respectful feedback boosts productivity and team morale. Within a month, the shift in his leadership was noticeable. The team started to take more initiative, there was more collaboration on site, and the gardens looked better than ever. That experience reinforced for me that growing great teams takes just as much care as growing great gardens.
I once helped a newly promoted operations leader cut employee turnover by 40%. I didn't change the way things were done; I just taught him how to listen without getting defensive. When he took the job, his drivers were quitting faster than he could hire new ones. It wasn't about the pay or the work; it was about how they felt unheard. I set up a mirror before message feedback loop, which was something we had used before in my transportation business. The leader had to repeat back what he heard from his team in their own words and ask for confirmation before he could say or do anything. He could only respond after that. At first, it was uncomfortable. He wanted to explain his choices or give quick fixes. But after two weeks of using it in daily briefings and one-on-ones, the tone changed. Drivers began to speak out, not just about problems but also about suggestions. One idea helped us save 12% on gas costs. By the end of the quarter, retention had gone up by 40%, and driver satisfaction, which was measured by anonymous weekly surveys, had gone up from 5.8 to 8.3. What did I learn? Being able to take criticism without arguing is what makes someone a leader. He became trusted as soon as he stopped trying to be right.