One approach I use to support clients through grief is educating them about the complex and multifaceted nature of their emotions. I often use the visual metaphor of a tangled ball of yarn, encouraging clients to label and assign each emotion they are experiencing to different parts of the ball. This exercise helps them visually grasp the complexity of grief and provides reassurance that their feelings are valid and not irrational. Finally, I like to conclude by labeling the ball as "love," discussing how, at its core, grief is a reflection of love.
One approach I've taken to support a client through grief is guided storytelling. Grief often brings a sense of disconnection and a struggle to make sense of the loss, so I encourage clients to share the story of their relationship with the person or thing they've lost. We begin by inviting them to talk about how the relationship started, focusing on moments of meaning and joy. This helps bring the relationship to life in their mind and reconnects them with what they valued most. Then, we explore the circumstances of the loss itself, allowing space for all the emotions, unspoken thoughts, and unanswered questions to surface. The goal is not to solve or fix their pain but to sit with it and honor their experience. Over time, we work together to weave the loss into a larger narrative, helping them see it as a part of their story-not something that defines them, but something that has shaped them. This process creates a way to stay connected to what they've lost while making sense of how to move forward. By sharing their story in a structured way, they often find a sense of emotional relief, clarity, and a deeper understanding of their grief.
As a trauma and anxiety coach, I get a lot of people reaching out to me trying to process unresolved grief - either from recent losses or ones long ago. The tricky thing with grief is that - as it is one of the heaviest emotional experiences to process - there is a massive amount of emotional energy moving through us when experiencing loss, and if we are not prepared in advance to deal with that amount of emotional energy, it can get stuck inside of us. In other words, it's best if we build our emotional muscles before running into this experience. For example, a year ago a close friend of mine passed and I had to actively sit and allow my body to shake and sweat for a few hours to even begin to process the emotions. I leaned into the experience because I had enough emotional awareness to understand that these uncomfortable things that my body wanted to do in that moment were actually a healthy (although unpleasant) way of processing this energy. Most people who have never done this work ahead of time end up resisting these inner experiences. The grief itself - along with a lifetime's worth of defense mechanisms built up around our emotions - cause us to hold back when it comes to allowing our body to do what it needs to do to process heavy emotions. So, when one experiences grief and isn't ready to let it out, we resist the process and hold onto the emotional energy. In much the same way that unused calories become stored as fat within us, unresolved emotional energy gets storerd inside of us, and - over time - we have become actively resistant to the normal physiological actions that the body usually uses to deal with it. So, when I work with clients processing grief, it's not about focusing on the person who passed specifically. It's about re-opening the pathways for feeling, purging and processing our emotions in general. The body is already trying to help them heal. It's trying to move this energy. They're just afraid to let that happen. We need to start small. Get them used to feeling and working through uncomfortable emotions bit by bit and open up the doors for heavier emotional weights to move through them. One great exercise I start with is having them look in the mirror and repeat "I love myself and I am beautiful". For most people, this is a supremely uncomfortable experience (but, of course, it shouldn't be). Acknowledging self-love in this way causes an emotional reaction that helps them learn to start processing emotions again.
Without fail, I share with my grieving clients the ball in a box analogy, which first appeared online on Twitter by Lauren Herschel in 2017 and subsequently went viral. And without fail, they all identify with the analogy and feel relief in that realization. The analogy is as follows: life is like a box, with a ball a grief inside as well as a pain button. In the beginning days after experiencing a loss, the ball is huge, and it hits the pain button over and over, without any control. As time goes on, the pain ball gets smaller, but it still bounces around in the box, and when it happens to hit the pain button (when your grief is "triggered") it hurts just as much, but you are generally managing daily life better and better. The downside is that you never know when the ball will hit the button. Just understanding the nature of grief, and being triggered as time goes on, it very helpful and normalizing to grieving individuals. https://www.thepoke.com/2019/02/24/ball-box-analogy-grief-went-viral-struck-chord-with-many-people/
One way I have helped clients deal with grief is by guiding them through the process of expressive writing. This involves encouraging clients to write about their feelings, memories, and thoughts about their loss. This practice helps them process emotions, gain clarity, and externalize their grief safely and personally. Writing can also provide relief and help clients understand their emotional journey as they navigate through the stages of grief. I also suggest that when they are ready, they can write letters to the person/pet/job/ or whatever they are grieving. It may help to write goodbye letters, forgiveness letters, or letters saying unspoken words.
Supporting clients through grief requires mental health professionals to adopt a compassionate approach that emphasizes empathy and communication. Starting with a thorough needs assessment, professionals can identify emotional struggles and resource gaps. Following this, tailored resources like articles and webinars should be developed to aid both professionals and clients in navigating grief effectively.