My husband is a music teacher, and when I noticed how hard it was for kids to grasp playing a musical instrument and how fun it was, I knew my kids had no option but to learn. My oldest plays the violin, and my youngest plays the drums. Every time my youngest has a class, I can see them struggle to get the beat right, but she pushes herself each time and is proud of her achievement when she gets it right. When my older won two competitions, she finally understood why hard work pays. Now, she doesn't struggle with practice and pushing through difficult tasks. Her patience and resilience is setting a good example for her younger sister.
Teaching children problem-solving skills is a valuable strategy to foster resilience. By breaking down complex tasks into manageable steps, children learn to tackle challenges systematically. For example, when my child faced a difficult school project, I helped them create a detailed plan and break it down into smaller, achievable goals. This approach empowered them to approach the project with confidence and build resilience as they overcame each hurdle.
When my daughter was teenager, her dream was to become a fashion designer. At the time, K-pop music was all the rage. She and her friends were huge fans. So, I encouraged her to turn her hobby into a business. It started out small. She designed graphics based looslley on a K-pop song or statement that a singer made. Next, she found a local screen printer that would turn her designs into custom shirts. Then, she used social media to market each design. Not every design was a winner. So, at times, she lost her entire investment. But each time a challenge occurred, she learned from it and got better and better. In the year before she went away to college, she learned valuable lessons. She not only became more resilient, but more self-suficient as well.
By allowing children to experience failure and setbacks, they learn valuable lessons and develop resilience. For instance, my child participated in a science fair and didn't win. Instead of shielding them from failure, I discussed how setbacks are opportunities for growth. We analyzed their project, identified areas for improvement, and set new goals. This experience taught them perseverance, problem-solving, and the importance of learning from mistakes. Ultimately, they applied these lessons to future endeavors, performed better, and developed a resilient mindset.
Children develop resiliency by recognizing their abilities within themselves. I teach parents to not protect their child from experiencing temporary discomfort or anxiety as learning to move through discomfort, and recognizing they are temporary feelings helps to build resiliency. Many parents today have an unsubstantiated belief that if they allow their child to struggle their child will not feel heard, or they may experience "trauma". Children must have thousands of experiences in which they experience disappointment, discomfort, etc. in order to help them build resilience.
As a CEO and a parent, one strategy I implement to foster resilience in my children is encouraging them to engage in extracurricular activities that align with their interests and passions. By participating in activities they love, they learn valuable life skills such as perseverance, discipline, and problem-solving, which ultimately contribute to building their resilience. For example, my child expressed an interest in playing a musical instrument and joined the school band. Learning to play an instrument requires dedication, practice, and overcoming obstacles like mastering complex musical pieces. When my child encountered difficulties and felt discouraged, I encouraged them to stay committed and reminded them that progress takes time.
One strategy I implement to foster resilience in my children is encouraging a growth mindset. I emphasize the power of perseverance, learning from failures, and embracing challenges as opportunities for growth. For instance, when my child faced a difficult academic task, I reframed it as a chance to develop problem-solving skills. By highlighting their efforts, providing support, and celebrating small victories along the way, my child developed resilience, gained confidence, and eventually succeeded in overcoming the challenge at hand.
I emphasize the importance of having a growth mindset, which means believing that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and practice. I encourage my children to view failures and setbacks as learning opportunities rather than as indicators of their abilities. For example, when my child struggled with a difficult math problem, I praised their effort and encouraged them to keep trying. This mindset has helped my child overcome challenges and build resilience by fostering a belief in their own ability to improve and succeed.
Instilling problem-solving abilities in our children is crucial if we want them to be resilient and maintain composure under pressure. But you can only help them if you show them real-world examples of how to solve problems. There is a silver lining to every cloud, and one of the "benefits" of adversity is that it teaches us how to improve in the future. It's not a simple task. Therefore, as parents, we must also show our children how to recover from setbacks and persevere in the face of difficult situations. For example: once my son complained about a kid bullying him in school and I completely empathized with him. He then asked me for a solution and I gave him a fee option and he gave some too. We then role played all the options we shortlisted and at the end I made him decide what works best for him. This is where he was able to make a decision himself and solve his problem his way.
Writing for our senior health editor at BabyCenter, parenting expert Olivia DeLong says: "When my daughter was about six months old (she's now three and a half), I started repeating affirmations to her each morning. I would say "You are strong, you are kind, you are silly, and you are loved" – or some version of that. As she's gotten older, we've continued the practice while getting ready for school. Now, she says them on her own. We've also found that encouraging her to take deep breaths when she's stressed has been helpful during meltdowns. Repeating affirmations/mantras each morning helps on those days when one or more of us is tired, grumpy, or generally not feeling well. Recently I had to wake my daughter up for school after getting in late the night before and she was not happy to say the least. But shortly after our morning affirmation practice, I could tell her mood had shifted and she was ready to head out the door, talking about how she was looking forward to seeing friends.
Engaging children in activities that help others fosters empathy and resilience. Through volunteering, my child faced challenging situations, but by helping those in need, they developed resilience and a sense of purpose. For example, they volunteered at a local shelter, where they faced difficult situations but learned to handle them positively, building resilience in the process.