Rather than sweeping the matter under the rug and enabling the HR manager further, a better strategy is being open and addressing the manner in a polite yet professional way. It could so be that the HR manager is unaware of their harsh tendencies and speaking to them about it could help them self-reflect. And even if they are aware, taking it up with them is a clear sign that an employee will not tolerate these interactions and could even escalate the issue with senior managers.
You will find it easier to confront the situation face to face rather than writing numerous letters to file your complaints about the HR manager. Sometimes the HRs are abrasive because they don’t understand the individuals they are dealing with. Therefore, this is a good way to address such differences. During such a physical meeting, point out your concerns about your HR’s approach, your desired behaviour from them, and the consequences of them continuing with their abrasive style. This gives you the chance to share how their behaviour impacts you and the workplace, so both sides can reach mutual understanding, and request that such abrasiveness should cease.
If you ever find an HR manager being abrasive towards you, be sure you are keeping records of occurrence. Email trails and jotting down what was said, when it was said and what is was referring to, will help your case and will give HR incidents to refer to as they are completing their investigation.
If your HR manager displays abrasive behavior, a direct approach is the first thing to try. Often, all it takes for an offender to change their attitude towards you is an open conversation on how the behavior is inappropriate and why you wish it would change. Be firm yet polite, understanding yet assertive. Your manager mustn't take the dialog as a show of weakness on your part. At the same time, since you are looking for a resolution and not a confrontation, it is also crucial that you take control of the conversation and lead it towards a solution.
Hi, My name is Archie Payne. I'm the CEO of Caltek Staffing. I'd love to help you out here. Conflict is part and parcel of everyday life, and it's a difficult situation to be in when your so-called trusted HR advisor is abrasive. Don't take their behaviour personally. It's easy to have an emotional reaction when someone's actions are not quite what you expect from them. The best response to abrasive behaviour is to stay calm and respectful and avoid confrontation. You may not be able to control the way your HR manager interacts, but you can most certainly control your response. In my experience, abrasive people treat everyone in the same way, and it has nothing to do with you as a person. I hope this has helped you. Please reach out if you need more insights.
Mirroring is a tactic that can help employees deal with abrasive HR managers. The technique involves subtly repeating the last or most important part of a speaker's sentiment back at them. The gesture can signal that the listener is sympathetic and agreeable to the speaker's message, which can work to lower defenses and general prickliness. Plus, the repetition can make the HR manager more aware of their tone and phrasing, which can lead to the leader softening or rephrasing the sentiment.
If you can’t feel comfortable or secure sharing information with your HR manager, who can you talk to? One of an HR manager’s job duties is to create a safe and secure environment where people feel comfortable bringing concerns and issues forward. They are supposed to foster positivity, cordiality, and transparency. In fact, it’s probably one of their greatest responsibilities. Thus, if your HR manager is abrasive and difficult to talk to, my best advice is to go right over their head. Even if that means going to the CHRO or COO, you need to make your voice heard and get the situation straightened out. Even HR managers have bosses. There is absolutely no excuse for an HR manager to be abrasive, and surely their manager will want to know. There should be a system of checks and balances, where even HR is responsible to someone else, and by going over their head, you're simply exercising your right to be hard and feel secure in your position.
Be assertive and establish boundaries. Everyone is allowed a bad day occasionally but repeated abrasiveness needs to be resolved. Stop the situation as soon as it starts. Addressing the elephant in the room is courageous and it will build trust. The manager position brings a lot of intimidation from others, which proves unhelpful and unwanted. Remember that we are humans and we have the power to communicate, so do just that.
Document everything. If the behavior is severe, continues, or becomes abusive, you may want to speak to an attorney to see if you have a case. Do not hesitate to reach out to other members of HR or your boss for support.