At the core of it, anger is really built on unmet expectations. Anger fills the gap between our expectations and reality. One of the most difficult aspects of managing anger is getting your clients to recognize that they have a choice. Anger, for most of us, feels pretty automatic. So I make use of a simple cost-benefit analysis exercise for anger. Here, we envision a person who handles anger in a way that we would admire. Then we list the advantages and disadvantages of being like that person. It becomes easier to see the pros and cons of being angry when looking at it this way because you can, one, make it more relatable while, two, step back from your anger to examine it.
Relationship & Family Therapist at Ronald Hoang Marriage Counselling & Family Therapy Sydney
Answered 2 years ago
Before anger reaches the point of no return I try to “catch the bullet” before it hits and does damage. “Catching the bullet” is a technique borrowed from Emotionally Focused Therapy, it’s proactive and requires anticipatory empathy - to preemptively have a sense of the impact of another's words. It involves validating the experience, refocusing and staying with the therapeutic process and reframing anger in terms of attachment (for instance, anger could suggest the desperation for connection). It’s not about the anger, but what’s underlying.
One technique I use in family therapy to help clients manage anger in a constructive way is to develop a safe word at the onset of therapy. By utilizing a safe word, a client that is experiencing anger signals to other family members that they need a minute to cool off. When using a safe word, I always recommend following up with a quick 3-5 minute break for them to calm down and gather their thoughts before returning to the session. This allows the whole family to release tension in the room without one or more members experiencing overload.
Art therapy is a technique that allows clients to express and process their anger creatively. Through various art forms like drawing, painting, or sculpting, clients can explore their anger in a non-verbal way, gaining insights and developing healthier coping mechanisms. Art therapy is particularly beneficial for individuals who struggle with verbal communication or find it challenging to express their anger verbally. It provides a unique outlet for clients to tap into their emotions and engage in constructive self-expression.
Encourage clients to maintain a journal to track anger triggers, patterns, and subsequent thoughts and behaviors, facilitating self-reflection and insight. Journaling helps clients gain self-awareness, identify triggers, and track progress over time. For example, a client may discover that their anger is often triggered by unmet expectations. By journaling, they can explore the underlying beliefs and assumptions contributing to these expectations, and develop strategies to manage their anger constructively in the family setting.
Art therapy is a technique that can help clients manage anger constructively during family therapy. By engaging in various art forms, clients can express and explore their anger in a safe and non-threatening way. Through the creative process, they can gain insight into their emotions, triggers, and potential solutions. For example, a client may create an abstract painting representing their anger, allowing them to externalize and release those feelings. The therapist can then guide a discussion about the artwork, helping the client to explore the underlying causes of their anger and develop healthier coping strategies. Art therapy provides a unique outlet for clients to channel their anger positively, promoting self-reflection, emotional expression, and personal growth.