My partner and I have been married for 18 years. We have an "annual meeting" to review our relationship, financial priorities, and personal and professional goals. We each get a chance to clearly outline what our career priorities for the next 12 months will be. From there, we can break down how and when we need support from each other. Owning my own business gives me more flexibility on the when, which in turn means I get more support and less guilt on the how side of things.
Being open and honest about my needs and goals are essential. One way I do this is to tell my partner the night before what my goals are for the next day and have occasional check-ins about more long term goals. I give day to day examples of how he can support me in meeting those goals, sometimes being as simple as supporting me in going to bed early.
I learned the hard way that not talking about my work schedule causes fights. During product launches, I'd forget to mention I'd be stuck at the office until 10 PM. Now I just tell my partner on Sunday what the week looks like. They know which days are going to be a write-off, and we can figure out dinner or plans accordingly. It's made our evenings so much smoother.
One of the ways that I changed my life and how I run my business was to change my view of career priorities to life priorities we share, instead of viewing them as self-indulgences. In the early stages of running my business, I tended to be softer in my approach to how I expressed myself. I would say things like, "I'm sorry, this week is nuts," or "I understand that work is interfering with my ability to spend time with you," when the reality was that my current workload would help build a foundation that would create long-term stability for both of us. That is, I was framing the way my ambition was being viewed to others as a problem, not a plan. Now, I frame my work schedule in outcomes rather than apologies. I say things like, "This quarter is going to be very busy for me, as I am creating the foundation that will allow us to have stability in the future," or "This launch will allow us to have more freedom in the future." This changes the conversation from feeling guilty about my work schedule to viewing my work schedule as having purpose. This works because most people do not resist vision; most people resist uncertainty. When your partner understands why you are unavailable and how your upcoming workload is creating the life you are building together, their view of your ambition goes from thinking of your ambition creating distance to viewing your ambition creating direction.
Here's my approach: I just tell my partner what's coming up at work for the next few months so we know what to expect. Same goes for my team. When we lay everything out, everyone just relaxes. We stop trying to guess who's busy with what, and we actually do a better job of helping each other out. It takes all the pressure off.
By putting career priorities in such a framing as collective logistics instead of individual choice, guilt becomes absent in the discussion. At AS Medication Solution, the workloads vary according to the needs of patients and the timing of regulation. These realities are explained early and explicit, just like it would have been the case with travel arrangements or finances. The argument remains down to earth rather than emotional. This will be effective since it is impactful, not apologetic. Setting priorities in the form of responsibility-related commitments are perceived as being easier to comprehend and endorse. The misinterpretation is smaller and less pressure is required to defend ambition. It is a discussion regarding coordination and not permission. Reliability is critical in the area that AS Medication Solution is operating. The same clarity applied to personal communication holds the relationships intact. The guilt disappears when the expectations are met beforehand and reconsidered in a relaxed manner, as the circumstances evolve.
Mano Santa will help to present career priorities as the collective logic instead of individual licence. The best approach is the time and energy needs to be named and not emotionally justified. It is more helpful to keep the discussion down to earth and realistic by saying, This quarter you need two late evenings a week and one Sunday morning. It eliminates the necessity to justify ambition, and puts it in its place. Expectations are seen and guilt diminishes. The response of partners is better when they are aware of duration, trade-offs and what support really means. There is that understanding too that encourages teamwork. The discussion changes to seeking permission to spending instead of seeking permission to be spent. Space is opened up to reciprocity and not silent resentment. This strategy has been successful in families that experience numerous strains as perceived by Mano Santa. The priorities will not give the impression of the burden that is laid on the others when they are stated in a gentle and timely manner. They are incorporated in a common framework. Mutual respect is building up as goals are being seen as real promises and not emotional demands.